Myth of the One

It began for me when I was a child.  I grew up with Disney princess love stories and a set of parents that were so in love it was gross.  I believed that my life would be complete when I found my Prince Charming.

He appeared in my freshman year of college.  Roses every week, love letters, and more attention than I knew what to do with.  I loved him and he loved me.  Everything was perfect except for his wounds of childhood abuse and bipolar disorder.  His mood and his mindset would switch on a dime and I would go from a goddess to a whore.  This cycle was so painful and I eventually got out of it, however it left me broken and confused.  

I had found the love of my life, but he rejected me- where did I turn?  Should I just give up?  Being a lover of love, I kept loving but it was never the same.  I eventually met an amazing man who became my husband and I have a lot of happiness and connection in my relationship.

  But he doesn’t satisfy my need for love completely because the truth is no one can.  Sorry fairy tale propaganda. No one person can meet all of your needs.  No one can be the single love well you dip in to always quench your thirst because when you are honest with yourself, you are quite thirsty.  I’m not talking about cheating- I’m suggesting branching out of our limited notion of romantic love. 

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson in her recent book, Love 2.0 (positivityresonance.com), takes this notion a step further to talk about love in terms of positivity resonance.  She explains that micro-moments of resonance are available to us all the time whether with our friends, family, the UPS person, person in the elevator, whoever, whenever.  This resonance is even available with ourselves, nature, and the universe.  Love is always available to us if we open to it. 

I write this because I have so many clients suffering so greatly waiting for the ‘one’.  The bad news is the One (that is going to meet all your needs, provide you with all the love you need, make everything better) is never going to come.  The good news is the One is already here in the friend sitting with you over coffee, the stranger who has just walked past you, the rain that is falling outside your window.  And most importantly in you. 

Yes it is ok to love yourself. To fall deeply and passionately in love with your own beauty, wit, courage, humor, and spirit.  We deny ourselves so much love that is available in this moment because we stay obsessed with limited love.  We end up disappointed, unsatisfied, and an endless feeling of lack.

By losing the myth of the One, I for one, am gaining so much more.  My world has expanded from a mug of small ‘l’ love to an ocean of big ‘L’ love that know no limits.   Most of us are aware that we are thirsty, but we are not aware that we both live in and are the well.